Spalding Gray on "Leaving"

In his essay in Celebrating the Life of Spalding Gray, Roger Rosenblat writes that Gray used to say, "You can't be present in the place you're in until you've left and want to go back."

I don't want to say too much more than this because I think this quote really speaks for itself and seems to define a lot of what I've been feeling lately. From missing my childhood to missing college and, as I look forward, to the expectation I have of missing the house I grew up in.

I was home this weekend to begin the process of saying good bye to the house where I was raised and to say hello to the new house my parents are building on the Eastern Shore. The old house officially went on the market this weekend and although I know that once it sells and once it is gone I'm going to have some very strong feelings, right now I can't seem to make it feel real. The closest I got was when I saw the "virtual tour" of the house on a real estate website.

Right now I haven't quite left and that house is still home. As soon as it is gone for good and when I know I can never go back, I expect the sadness to come and expect I'll agree with Spalding one hundred percent.